This week I am going to focus on surviving mass with our little people. Specifically those 5 and under. Theoretically, those over 5 should only need gentle reminders to be good if you have been working with them through their lives to sit still and quiet during mass. But some kids might take a bit longer…
People often tell me that I just got lucky and miraculously gave birth to quiet children. This could not be further from the truth at all. My children are natural musical and LOUD. When people call my house they often ask me if there is a party going on. No, it’s just normal life – and it tries to occur in mass as well.
So I work my butt off to teach my children how to behave in mass. This means that any attention that I am able to pay in mass is an unexpected treat and that I normally use up any and all graces I would receive from attending mass before I ever leave it.
These tips and tricks will mostly fall into two categories: Closing the Crying Hole and Distraction.
1. Closing the Crying Hole Part 1: Drink
I breastfeed in mass. Yes, I do. I am discreet about it and you will probably see less of my breast than many of the women in the church on any given summer Sunday. I figure it is far less distracting to anyone else than what my child would do if they were not currently nursing. This offers the extra bonus of said child possibly falling asleep. The other bonus is that, unlike sippy cups, it can’t be thrown on the floor (no matter how hard the child might try) and make a loud bang. Some time after the age of 1 however, I try to transition to a sippy of water during mass. And sometime between ages 2 and 3 I try to phase that out as well.
2. Closing the Crying Hole Part 2: Food
Another hotly debated topic – I decide this one on a case by case, kid by kid basis. My current 2 year old couldn’t be trusted on any level to not throw things on the floor, so she doesn’t get anything. In the past though, we have done small things like cheerios. The trick is, mom hold the container and hands the child ONE AT A TIME. We remove any trace of food from the church when we leave.
3. Distraction Part 1: Massage
With the child sitting in your lap or close beside you, hold their hand and trace around their fingers and the creases on their palms with feathery strokes. My kids love this!
4. Distraction Part 2: Whispered Prayers
Whispering prayers into their ears or talking about parts of the mass or the church building are very helpful and even work to distract young babies… at least for a minute or two. Although it can result in an exchange like this one:
Tessa (8) was doing her part to whisper to Lily and keep her quiet during the consecration. Tessa turned to Lily (2) and said, “That is Jesus’s blood.” Lily said, “JESUS’S BUTT? That’s not Jesus’s butt! It’s Jesus’s BLOOD!”
So whisper clearly.
5. Distraction Part 3: Drawing
Magna-doodle. Enough said.
6. Distraction Part 4: Quiet Toys
Throw any toy that you might bring to mass with you on the floor. Throw it on the table. If it is any louder than a light tap, it stays home or in the car. Although the above mentioned Magna-doodle breaks this rule, it is usually only used with kids who are old enough to know that throwing a toy is a Capital Offense.
7. Jumping Ship:
Sometimes you have tried everything and tried more as well and Kid is just not going to settle down. If you have to make an exit, try not to make it rewarding to the child. Leaving mass and letting Kid run around in the back of the church only teaches them how to get back there more often. No, if kid has to be taken out, they get to sit in your lap, heavily restrained. It’s no fun for anyone, most especially the parent. But it is effective.
I’m not one to disregard kid noises, but a peep or a whisper or even a short lived cry are not reasons to leave. There is going to be a low level of ruckuss in any pew with a family with small children. For our family, it is only repeated misbehavior or a child who has bumped their head on the pew or something that gets us to make a run for it. (Hurt children do not get restrained, by the way. I have to add this because one of my children manages to hurt themselves on a pew more often than one might expect.)
My kids aren’t perfect, but we seldom have to leave mass, and I have plenty of little old ladies who love to sit by my kids too.
All of this is only going to work if you are talking to your child early and often about what is expected from them, what mass is about. And a little prayer to their guardian angel doesn’t hurt either.